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Joke of the Day

"[First Date] Me: ""I'm sorry. It's just that I've been burned before."" *Stuffs handful of fries through visor in hazmat suit *Closes visor"

"A photon checks into a hotel... A photon checks into a hotel and the porter asks him if he has any luggage. Photon replies: ""No, I'm traveling light"""

"Merry Christmas. Did anyone get a car with a giant ribbon on top? Has anyone ever? Do those ribbons even exist?"

"My favourite part about the Harry Potter movies... ...is the casting."

"Everyone has that one best friend who's now a.... **Stranger!**"

"The dogboner /Neil degrasse Tyson situation has been an elaborate ruse all so Michael hale could claim on gawker that he has a girlfriend"

"I lost 50 pounds in two days Im never playing poker again"

"You can park your car anywhere you want as long as you turn on your emergency blinkers. It's one of the more obscure lifehacks out there"

"I'm opening a bar called The Office. You're welcome guys. ""Be home soon sweetie, I'm at The Office"""

"What did the pirate say after he pulled a steering wheel out of his pants? ""It's driving me nuts!"""