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Joke of the Day

"I always carry a lighter in case I end up at an impromptu concert...or need to set someone's house on fire. Either way, I'm prepared."

"Hell is nothing but a bunch of moms asking for help with their laptops."

"The problem with a well balanced diet is the amount of chicken wings I have to eat that equals the weight of a dozen beers."

"Just realized why my Grandpa called his sideburns thigh ticklers Excuse me guys while I go walk in front of a bus"

"It doesn't matter what kind of brain is attached. Good boobs is good boobs."

"Midnight Mass is my codename for the weight gain induced by eating three dozen cookies."

"What's wrong with lawyer jokes? Lawyers don't think they're funny, and nobody else thinks they're jokes."

"How do you get a hippie off your door step? Pay for the pizza and close the door."

"I call my dick Ambidextrous Because I fuck girls left and right."

"I was on a ride at a funfair. One minute I was laughing my head off. Next I felt angry. Then I just became very sad. Turns out I was on an emotional roller coaster."