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Joke of the Day

"""HEY I KNOW YOU'RE PROBABLY ASLEEP & STUFF, BUT I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT I'M LIKE 22 MILES AWAY FROM YOUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW."" -Trains"

"[Offensive] How do you offend homeless people? By telling them knock knock jokes!"

"I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up."

"[backstage at a concert] hey guys you mind signing this? [next day at car dealership] rascal flatts is your cosigner?"

"People keep accusing me of using the wrong words in my sentences. It's like everyone in my life has turned into a grandma nazi."

"Women's Rights... What?. did you expect more?"

"The Greatest Joke of our generation #blacklivesmatter"

"Don't get a Jamaican hairdo... I did and I have been dreading it ever since."

"There's no better feeling than not giving a fuck."

"Describe yourself in 3 words I am a rebel"