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Joke of the Day

"To my American friends: On Sunday, don't forget to set your clocks back one hour. On Tuesday, try not to set your country back 50 years."

"*hears noise downstairs *wakes up husband so he can go get murdered first"

"What is the most common pickup line in a gay bar? Can I push in your stool?"

"A silly little joke I just made up about schizophrenia Person 1: I'm not schizophrenic! Person 2: I never said you were. Person 1: Oh, sorry, I guess I must be hearing things."

"Can I have your picture, So Santa Claus knows exactly what to give me on this CHRISTMAS."

"What do pygmy cannibals eat for breakfast? Weedie Bix!!"

"Password not accepted. I just decided to buy something on-line and I needed to create a new password. I used the word ""mypenis"" but it was not accepted. They said it needed to be longer."

"Why did the Moon break up with Earth? The Moon said they were slowly drifting apart."

"There's no easy way to tell someone you lost their kid in a high stakes game of duck duck goose."

"You can just start calling yourself an olympic hopeful. You don't have to fill out a form or anything."