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Joke of the Day

"You wanna know why me and my wife don't see eye to eye anymore after 26 years of marriage? She lost her legs so we're no longer the same height. edit: I'm sorry, I thought this was /r/antijokes"

Next Joke
 
"A married man walks into a bar"
"As long as McDonald's doesn't make us pay with excercise."
"A wife is like a hand grenade you take away the ring, and there goes your house"
"The field sobriety test was going ok until I grabbed two traffic cones and did a Madonna impersonation."
"Just told everybody in the bar to shut the hell up so my date could hear the full effect of my velcro wallet opening."
"What does your wife have in common with a Porn actress? They both moan SO much."
"99 little bugs in the code, 99 little bugs in the code. Take one down, patch it around 117 little bugs in the code."
"I was talking to my ex and she got the wrong end of the stick. The end that had been sharpened to a fine point."
"OMG! I went shopping because I needed a skirt and these earings were on special so I bought four new pairs of shoes!"