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Joke of the Day

"OMG! I went shopping because I needed a skirt and these earings were on special so I bought four new pairs of shoes!"

"Did you hear about the blonde who took an hour to cook Minute Rice?"

"What did the mexican say when the 2 houses fell on him? Get off me holmes!"

"spider-man, spidre-man,. does watever a spider can: has two legs., he can talk. wat kind of spider bit this guy"

"What is the historical significance of Sir George Stokes? He was a seminal fluid dynamicist."

"What do you call the act of giving annalingus on the back of a flying dragon? A Skyrimjob"

"I just assume everyone on my Christmas list has been naughty. Makes things simpler."

"""Wow, I haven't showered since last year!"" ""Haha good one, but it's not the new year yet"" ""I know..."""

"Float like a jellyfish, sting like a jellyfish."

"A slightly drunk woman is watching tv... She yells, ""Don't go there! Don't go up the stairs! Don't go into the church you dumb bitch!"" Her husband asks, ""What are you watching?"" ""Our wedding video."""