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Joke of the Day

"...and the bartender says, ""sorry. We don't serve time travellers."" http://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/3lsvu6/a_time_traveller_walks_into_a_bar/"

"dishes laundry vacuuming dusting me *Things that won't get done today."

"Just called my own voicemail and left messages until the memory was full. People can't leave messages now. That's the kind of genius I am."

"Came downstairs to find my 85 year old mum watching the TV Me:"" Why are you watching Thatcher's funeral?"" Mum: ""Just to make sure"""

"TIL Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto translates you to ""Thank You Mr. Robot"" The Spanish translation is Muchos Gracias Marco Rubio"

"As an adult, I have to do some lame things like pay bills & have responsibilities. But I can also eat ice cream for dinner."

"You can make up any word you want in conversation and if you use it in a dilsationary way, people rarely question the meaning."

"What did one architect say to the other? ""I see the floor in your plan."""

"5 people hurt themselves by accidentally discharging guns at gun shows. Maybe the best way to handle gun nuts is to just let them have guns."

"What did the blind man say when he passed by the fish shop? Hello ladies"