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Joke of the Day

"Why would Donald Trump want to lose the election? Winning means he'd need to live in a smaller house in a black neighborhood"

"Lip Balm To My Wife Earlier today my wife asked me to pass her some lip balm but I ended up giving her superglue by mistake. She's still not talking to me."

"My first kid will be named Gotham. That way when I have to get up in the middle of the night when they're crying I can say ""Gotham needs me"""

"This coffee tastes like a Kenny G album."

"NURSE: She's in a coma. She's been on hungerstrike [boyfriend walks in with just enough chips for himself] PATIENT: *Opens one eye*"

"What's your best elephant joke sequence?"

"What do we want? A cure for Tourette Syndrome! When do we want it? Cunt!"

"TIL you can get kicked out of the Navy for getting on the wrong vessel just once. Oops, wrong sub."

"If you need help staying awake, subtract sheep in your head."

"whats black and doesn't work? decaf coffee, you racist bastard!"