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Joke of the Day
"What is the opposite of Christopher Reeve? (Sorry if you've heard this) Christopher Walken"
Next Joke
"Finding a date on the internet is so much easier than real life because how are they supposed to know that's not your Ferrari?"
"[Day after Xmas] 7am: I am detoxing today, only fruit and liquids for me 9am: There are worse things than eating 14 cookies for breakfast"
"What do men and hardwood flooring have in common? Lay 'em right the first time and you can walk all over them the rest of your life!"
"Sometimes when you eat too much carrot, you turn orange and you run for presidency."
"I'm American and I hate it when people say that America is the most ignorant country in the world Personally, I think Europe is the most ignorant country in the world."
"Nothing like an episode of ""I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"" to make you feel like a Harvard double major."
"Programming is like sex One mistake and you're providing support for a lifetime."
"I like the NSA They're the only government agency that listens"
"""What? Only 2% Milk? Then what's the other 98%!?"" [bull walking confidently out of the factory] Oh you don't wanna know"