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Joke of the Day

"What do men and hardwood flooring have in common? Lay 'em right the first time and you can walk all over them the rest of your life!"

"Don't you just hate when people reply with ""This?"" This."

"I wrote 'DIVORCE', my wife wrote 'YES'. Tough way to find out, but at least I won our last game of Scrabble"

"Me: I like how you dyed all the meat green for St. Patrick's Day. Chipotle manager: It's St. Patrick's Day?"

"What's the difference between a vitamin and a hormone? I can't make a vitamin..."

"Gymnasts used to look tiny and cute, now they look like they'll kick your @ss in a bar fight."

"Figured this is an appropriate time to tell this. What is an Undertaker's favorite element? Barium."

"Dave's Adventure In A Cave (Limerick) There once was a man named Dave, who found a dead whore in a cave. She was ugly as shit and missing one tit, but think of the money he saved!"

"I feel sorry for Piers Morgan. He's basically Piers Morgan, trapped in Piers Morgan's body."

"Patron 1: I eat at a different restaurant every day. Patron 2: I don't tip either."