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Joke of the Day

"What's the similarity between pessimists and people with a phobia of sausages? They both fear the wurst"

"Do you hate yourself? Do you wish someone would trip you down stairs? Do you enjoy lacerations & and surprise vomit piles? *hands you a cat*"

"The one good thing about Hurricane Patricia Clean Drinking water falling from the sky for Mexico!!"

"In 2017, every TV show's marketing plan will be to add a Trump parody character so he's compelled to watch & cry on twitter about it."

"I once farted in an Apple Store and everyone got pissed.. It's not my fault they don't have Windows"

"We have much to learn about the fabric of space-time. But we know you can't make a decent sweater out of it. Too scratchy."

"How does an Arab farmer find his goat in the sand dunes? Very satisfying."

"Why did so many black men get killed in Vietnam? When the generals would yell, ""Get down!"" they would all start dancing. I'm so sorry."

"An autistic and a vegan walk into a bar You only know because they mention it every other sentence"

"When I was 20, a stranger ran up to me in the street and said we should get a divorce. That set the tone of weirdness for my adult life."