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Joke of the Day

"Jealous that secret agents can get out of any phone conversation at any time by saying ""it's not safe to talk on the phone right now"""

"President Lincoln ""I'm going to miss you, President Lincoln,"" said John Wilkes Booth. Booth lied. He didn't."

"Nothing says ""I've given up"" like a fat person with a stomach tattoo."

"Justin Bieber.... I have recently changed the sound of my alarm clock to ""Justin Bieber - Baby"". Now I wake up 5 minutes earlier every day, so I don't have to listen to it."

"I think I'm developing a taste for foreign films like Tokyo Drift."

"I thought I wanted to get married again. Then I laughed and remembered why I shouldn't think."

"What do you get when you cross a dylexsic, insomiac and a agnostic? Someone who stays up at night wondering if there really is a dog."

"If Women Ruled the World"

"Hitler started the first ever Jewish Marathon.. But he couldn't finish the race"

"If you don't cuss when you drive you aren't paying enough attention to the road."