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Joke of the Day

"Go to a fancy restaurant. Order the lobster. Order it alive. When it comes, order food for your new pet lobster. Then take lobster home."

"What are the similarities between fat chicks and bricks? they both get laid by mexicans"

"The world is full of people who just need to hug a cactus."

"Most unrealistic scene in Pacific Rim? Hundreds take shelter in a bunker during a monster attack. Not one person is tweeting."

"The reason the Japanese kill so many whales is because they remind them of Americans"

"What's the best type of monastery to send troublesome teens to? A Beenadickteen one"

"Two peanuts walk into a bar... One was a salted."

"carpe natem Translate it if you don't know Latin."

"got a meat lover's pizza with the Works: freckles, man curds, leeches, clam clits, jowls, blood clots, charred nuggets, gristle, Megan"

"Why was Noah a great economist? He kept his stock afloat while everything else was in liquidation."