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Joke of the Day

"The angry moment when you plug your charger into your phone but you realize hours later your charger wasn't plugged in."

"I don't normally cook. How much vodka do you add to the mashed potatoes?"

"[dark alley] Here's the $3 million, thanks again for this, be sure to send pictures. Kidnapper: Wait, don't you want your kids back?"

"Breaking: Brad and Angelina have broken up. Thousands of kids homeless."

"Personally, I don't think it would feel good to be walking on sunshine. The sun is a fucking hot ball of gas."

"An eight-year-old kid says t his dad ""When I grow up I want to be a musician."" The dad says ""I am sorry -- can't have it both ways."""

"I'm being managed by Don King again"

"Verbs Without them we wouldn't get a lot done."

"The news report was that an elevator for the coal shaft broke down, trapping 27 workers But it was just a miner inconvenience"

"*Invents silent snack packages. *Becomes president of the United States."