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Joke of the Day

"What are the pros and cons of wearing two watches? On one hand, you have a watch... But on the other hand, you have a watch."

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"cop: ""you kinda look like one that's all"" me: ""in no way am i a pirate"" cop: ""hmm, are you sure?"" parrot on my shoulder: ""did he stutter?"""
"A magician walks into a gay bar and disappears with a poof."
"What do you fire from underwater guns? Seashells"
"Me, as a judge: OK we'll take a quick recess now. *lawyers start discussing lawyer things* *I go outside and swing on the swingset*"
"What do you call a letter from a feminist? Hate male."
"AMA I left the Church of Scientology two weeks ago [Deleted]"
"Pupil (on phone) : My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school today. School Secretary: Who is this? Pupil: This is my father speaking!"
"I knew the Psychic was no good the moment she accepted my check"
"What are Super Mario & Luigi's overalls made of? Denim-denim-denim... denim-denim-denim."
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