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Joke of the Day

"Why does Vincent van Gogh always look forward to thenew year? Because everyone wishes him a new ear."

"I'm considering becoming a mind reader. What are your thoughts?"

"""Feel the burn"" yells my fitness instructor as I think that's probably how Satan greets people in Hell."

"A man was found dead under an ice-cream truck, covered in chocolate syrup and sprinkles.. Police think he topped himself."

"So from now on I believe in talking bears until someone can logically explain how that Ted scene just happened on the #oscars"

"If you're first on a YouTube comment thread, I assume you're last in pretty much everything else."

"If these walls could talk I'd fuckin' move out immediately."

"One of the best ways to disguise the sound of a fart is to do it during the 4 claps in the Friends theme song."

"How many atheist does it take to change a light bulb? None. It will happen itself."

"Why do the birthers...? Why do the Birthers care about where Barack Obama was born (Hawaii, not Kenya) and not where Ted Cruz was born (Canada, not Texas)? Because Barack Obama is black."