57886

Joke of the Day

"*text message* Cat: Slave, I'm missing a box. I had 2 & now I have 1. I blame the dogs. Find it. Me: but I'm at work. Cat: find it."

"First rule of Botox club: Nobody look surprised when someone new joins."

"I want to start a subreddit about erectile dysfunction, but I seem to be having a hard time getting it up."

"What does a chemist say when he needs someone to pass the salt? ""Please pass the salt."""

"On a scale from one to ten, she's a ten... On the pH scale, CUZ SHE BASIC!"

"You know you're in a shitty bar when the food is colder than your beer."

"Rick Astley Will give you any movie in his Pixar collection except his favorite. He's Never Gonna Give You Up."

"I like my wine like I like my girls... Eight to ten years old, and kept in my cellar."

"What's the difference between parsley and pubic hair? Nothing. You push them both aside and keep on eating."

"While it's true that gay marriage doesn't nullify straight marriage, if Beyonce was born on your birthday it's not your birthday anymore."