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Joke of the Day

"Just found out my bank won't cash these so-called ""rain checks."" This is bullshit."

"if you've ever wondered what it'd be like to be married ... Find a woman who doesn't want to have sex with you, and buy her a house."

"Omg I'm so thirsty- *Kool-Aid Man busts through wall* OH YEAHH *Sugar-free zero calorie Kool-Aid Man jiggles door handle* LITTLE HELP HERE"

"[Border control] Officer: ""You're not American."" Me: ""Deep."" *Officer squints* M: ""Fried."" *squints harder* M: ""Guns."" ""Welcome back, Sir."""

"Where did the general put his armies? In his sleevies."

"Therapist: Talk about your friends. Me: Now John at the bar is a friend of mine... T: That's a Billy Joel song. Me: You're no fun."

"What does Chick-fil-A and their CEO have in common? Both hate when people stick beef between two buns."

"Rape is not a laughing matter. Unless your raping a clown. (Probably been posted here a 1000 times but it still cracks me up)"

"Why did the sea monster eat 5 ships that were carrying potatoes? No one can eat just one potato ship."

"Directions to take a 1000 mile journey Step 1"