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Joke of the Day

"Why did the sea monster eat 5 ships that were carrying potatoes? No one can eat just one potato ship."

"What's the difference between a VA Nurse and a bullet? A bullet only kills once."

"The worst part about breaking up right before Halloween is now I have to explain at every party why I'm dressed as half of a horse."

"Harry Potter can't tell the difference between a cooking pot and his best mate. They're both cauldron."

"The phrase, ""Don't take this the wrong way"" has a zero percent success rate"

"Boss: How is the project coming along? Me:*closing browser of sick kick flip videos* Totally rad...icalizing our sales data analysis, Sir."

"Nice try Jehovah's Witnesses but dressing up like cops and telling me you have a warrant is not going to get me to open my door."

"What do you call a worthless priest? holy shit."

"The other day my son asked me who picks up the seeing eye dog's poop."

"ALL THE GAYS ON AN ISLAND My brother hates gay people -- hates us. 'We should take all you gays and stick you on an island.' 'Well they have, Frank. We call it Manhattan.'"