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Joke of the Day

"I hate it when you're about to sacrifice a baby, and you notice one of the other satanists is wearing the same robes."

"How can you tell the difference between a weasel and a stoat? One is weasely identifiable while the other is stoatally different."

"What is Irish and sits on your deck? Patty O'Furniture !"

"I've got loads of jokes about undelivered letters. But people just don't get them."

"What are the other letters of the alphabet? Nazis."

"*hot lady looks at me* Me: Hi! Do I know you? Lady: No I think I'm mistaken. *awkward pause* Me: So...is there a mister taken? *hit by bus*"

"If pigs could vote they'd always vote for the guy who brings the food, even though he's the same one who will slaughter and eat them later."

"All of Donald Trump's wives are foreigners... Turns out there really are jobs American's won't do. Source: Mitt Romney's response to an interviewer's question."

"My 2 year old wanted to race me home from daycare and I am TOTALLY winning. I don't even see her tricycle in my rear-view mirror."

"What do you call a shoplifter of pancakes? Crepetomaniac"