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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? The taste. I'll show myself out."

"""Oh, are you driving?"" -Good question to ask someone as they force you into their trunk"

"China are probably making all the medals anyway."

"""Know what, son? We should do all of our miracles before cameras exist."" - God"

"Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener."

"son: hey dad me: [picks up phone, dials 9] yes son: now don't get mad me: [dials 1] ok son: do we have a fire extinguisher me: [dials 1]"

"My wife is an angel. All my friends are jealous because their wives are still alive."

"The tree in my front yard is allergic to bees It always get hives"

"A black and a Mexican are in a car.. Who's driving? The police"

"What is stronger an elephant or a snail ? A snail because it carries it's house an elephant just carries its trunk !"