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Joke of the Day
"Although not as effective as finger quotes, finger commas and finger periods are way fun."
Next Joke
"""Is there a Mr. Fields?"" I say to my twelfth cookie, all the while knowing she's all mine."
"Guys one of the Greek Gods is trying to destroy 80s music! H80s"
"Never realized how out of shape I was until I started sweating after using scissors for 30 seconds."
"ME: I'm worthless. DAD: Remember, son: you owe eighty thousand dollars in student loans. You're less than worthless."
"What did the toilet say when he was hitting on another toilet? On a scale from one to ten, urinate."
"What did they call Hitler's limo driver? the Chau-fuhrer"
"I keep getting the urge to purchase a big white bear from the artic... ...Doc says I might have ""Buy Polar"" disorder! EDIT: arctic*"
"When someone says to me great minds think alike, I just look at them and think ""you fucking dirty bastard"""
"What's the difference between a hockey team and a New Jersey hooker? A hockey team showers after 3 periods."