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Joke of the Day

"Never realized how out of shape I was until I started sweating after using scissors for 30 seconds."

"Why did the dog lose the lawsuit? It was a shih-tzu"

"Why do Jews like to watch porn backwards?? Cause they love the part when the hooker returns the money!"

"The Spy Who Loved Me But Wasn't, Like, IN Love With Me #RejectedBondTitles"

"Just realized I've been misquoting George Orwell since 1985."

"Did you know that protons have mass? >Yes Well I didn't even know they were Catholic!"

"*grabs knife, cuts forehead, lies on floor* Wife walks in: ""WHAT HAPPENED?"" ""A burglar came in right when I was about to clean the house"""

"If I pay $40 for a haunted house I better die"

"Barack Obama and Mitt Romney are both on a sinking ship... Barack Obama and Mitt Romney are both on a sinking ship; both of them are drowning. Who gets saved?!? The answer: AMERICA!!!"

"What's the difference between a $20 steak and a $55 steak? February 14th."