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Joke of the Day

"There are over 1 million battered women in the US. And I've been eating mine plain!"

"[courtroom, on witness stand] Prosecuting attny: If you think she's poisoning you, why did you eat it? Me: It was pizza [jury nods, murmurs]"

"I've been trying to hide my erectile dysfunction from my girlfriend... But I just don't think I can keep it up for much longer."

"Sign Driving through a residential area, saw a sign: SLOW Children Playing! I thought to myself ""Gosh, that's a bit cruel!"""

"I gave a homeless guy some cheese today. I feel gouda 'bout it."

"As a professional musician I can trick any girls heart I play the organ."

"What do Germans look at on the internet? Danke memes"

"What does a baker say when he/she makes a mistake? ""Dough!"""

"My ex-girlfriend was an opera singer. With her it was always ""me me me"""

"If you had a gun with 1 bullet and you see Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton chilling in a boat in pacific ocean who would you shoot? I'd shoot god damn fucking boat because both deserves to sink."