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Joke of the Day

"This pill bottle says 'Take with plenty of fluids' and 'Don't take with alcohol'. That doesn't even make sense."

"I hope when the Avengers meet Spider-Man they give him shit for not helping when NYC got attacked."

"Teacher ""Hi, why are you here?"" Me ""Um, isn't this the beginners' philosophy class?"" Teacher ""Yes and you're off to a really bad start."""

"MURDERER: [looking for me] You better of hidden well or you're dead ME: [under bed, tears in my eyes] It's better HAVE"

"If a cougar left her teeth next to my bed in a glass of water was that a tip? Do I have to change the water? Do I feed them like goldfish?"

"Say what you will about ISIS... But you can't deny their suicide business is booming."

"What's a redditor's favorite form of math? substitution"

"So a termite walks into a bar and asks ""Is the bar tender here?"""

"How did the rainbow know is was lost? -It was a clear day"

"Katt williams lost a fight to a 7th grader. This was not the first time he looked like a complete idiot in front of a crowd."