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Joke of the Day

"Teacher ""Hi, why are you here?"" Me ""Um, isn't this the beginners' philosophy class?"" Teacher ""Yes and you're off to a really bad start."""

"In many ways Trump presidency is like one of your stupider Adam Sandler movies. Basically stupid, but sometimes funny. Ridiculous premise."

"Vladimir Putin was recently late to a meeting He was really Russian"

"Give a man a fish, he can eat for a day. Give a man another fish, ""Hey man where's that fish I gave you Monday? YOU ATE IT?! IT WAS A PET!!"""

"What kind of dance does your mother do? The MOMbo."

"Dominos dropped the ""pizza"" from its name because they're not legally allowed to call that pizza."

"Why did the angry Jedi cross the road? To get to the dark side."

"My colleague at work said I'm a gullible twat. Who am I to argue with the current WWE champion?"

"Going to Walmart with my mom and kids is a great way to test if the Xanax is working! *eye twitches"

"You know you're getting old when ... the doctor tells you to slow down and the cops tell you to speed up."