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Joke of the Day

"One thing you can count on: For every idiot proof system devised, a new and improved idiot will arise to overcome it."

"Is it true that Martha Washington had wooden boobs?"

"What did the mom say to her son when he said he didn't want any of her flippin' pancakes? Fine. They will just be burnt on one side."

"I don't always roll a joint But when I do, it's usually my ankle"

"My friend's wife asked him, if she died tomorrow, when would he start sleeping with other women? He said, ""about three years ago."""

"I'm surprised my son doesn't think his name is 'stopit'"

"Why does Snoop Dawg need an umbrella?? Fo Drizzle."

"Me: I only smoke weed because of Cancer. Mom: You don't have Cancer! Me: So it's working..."

"How do you know your friend has been at the gym? Don't worry, he'll tell you."

"Congratulations to Tu Youyou on winning the Nobel Prize in Medicine and for being the most confusing person to sing Happy Birthday to."