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Joke of the Day

"What did the body builder say when he ran out of protein powder mix? No whey."

"Knock, knock... Tim Buckt."

"What is the best part about showering with a 14 year old girl? If you slick her hair back just right, she looks nine!"

"It's 11:48 PM. You can't sleep. Underneath your bed, there's a creepy rustle, as the clown tries to quietly unwrap and eat a granola bar."

"Sorry but if these walls could talk I'm pretty sure they'd talk about wall things and not whatever scandal you're blowing out of proportion."

"fire the chauffeur! Wife: ""I'm gonna fire our chauffeur!!! He's such a pathetic driver, this is the third time he almost got me killed...."" Husband: ""Dear, lets give him another chance."""

"Me: A coworker called me 'Papa Hemingway' today. Her: Because of your beard? Me: Well it wasn't because of my Nobel in Literature."

"I'm coming out with a new type of whiskey called cunt... So when someone asks me what i want to drink I'll yell cunt liquor."

"Gravity is just a myth. We all know it's the white man keeping us down."

"WAITER: Would you like the usual, Mr Smith? MR SMITH: *all smugly* Do birds fly? *Penguin at the next table slams down his menu*"