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Joke of the Day

"WAITER: Would you like the usual, Mr Smith? MR SMITH: *all smugly* Do birds fly? *Penguin at the next table slams down his menu*"

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"What's the best thing about fucking 93 year olds? NOTHING!!!"
"What has 6 letters, starts with 'P', and ends a sentence? Parole."
"[overhears wife complaining about me on phone] he's always overreacting and making a mess *spits chocolate milk everywhere* ARE YOU SERIOUS?"
"Did you hear about that Jew that started a charity? Neither did I."
"What do tight jeans and a cheap hotel have in common? No ballroom"
"Why are protein shakes such loners? They're whey isolate."
"What happened to the Italian chef when he died? He *pasta way*."
"I just love the new minecraft update. It's groundbreaking."
"Two flies are sitting on a steaming pile of horse manure. One of the flies grunts and breaks wind. The other fly says, ""Geez! Do you mind? I""m trying to eat over here!"""