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Joke of the Day

"I have the solution to the drought in California Just let all the ladies hear my mixtape"

"Why will you never see a stag on the internet? They like to stay anony-moose"

"My hair is beautiful.* *Conditioner applied."

"I was really ticked at my woman tonight, so I stapled her fun bags together. If ya can't lick 'em, join 'em."

"I used to think alcohol silenced the voices in my head until I realised it had just moved them to my mouth."

"My wife left a note on the fridge that said ""This isn't working I'm going to my mom's"" I opened up the fridge. The light was on and the beer was cold. I'm not sure what she was talking about."

"When someone uses the bathroom and asks about the wine cork floating in the toilet is why I don't invite people to my house."

"Why didn't the mother splinter call her son on his birth-day? Because he's a little prick!"

"I lost my mood ring. I don't know how I feel about this"

"Sometimes, late at night, I stare out the window at the stars and think about all the airlines that have wronged me..."