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Joke of the Day

"My hair is beautiful.* *Conditioner applied."

"I thought chiropractors were a waste of money But I stand corrected."

"This guy told me that he can see the future but he didn't even try to duck when I punched him in the face."

"I texted my mom at 5am telling her trump won, she asked why I was up so early. I told her ""I don't know. Maybe the sound of my health insurance flying away woke me up."""

"A guy is having sex on a first date She's giving him a blow job. He tells her ""suck it harder"". So she does. Then, he yells, ""Blow, blow, the bed sheet is up my ass."""

"What do you call a bowl full of leaves and epileptics? Seizure Salad."

"[guy from the 50s arrives in a time machine] ""Who's president?"" Barack Obama ""Braco? Sounds Mexican"" Nope ""Whew"" You might want to sit down"

"So, Noah found two polar bears in the Mideast? And after the flood, he took them back to Canada? That sounds plausible. #GodScience"

"Male Birth Control. ....Because its easier to unload the gun than shooting at a bulletproof vest."

"Why do Chihuahuas have such short necks? Because their heads are so close to their bodies!"