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Joke of the Day

"Why was the dolphin sad? Because it had no porpoise in life."

"What are your views on abortion? I'm undecided. On one hand, I like killing babies, on the other, I don't like giving women a choice."

"I just turned my iPhone into an iPad simply by holding it closer to my face."

"2 prostitutes are standing on a corner One looks to the other and says ""you ever been picked up by the fuzz"" The other says ""No, but I have been swung around by the tits"""

"What do you call nuts on the wall? Walnuts. What do you nuts on your chest? Chestnuts. What do you call nuts on your chin? A dick in your mouth."

"Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes."

"The actor who plays Wolverine once owned a sea cow, but it was murdered... ...it was a crime against Hugh's manatee."

"Cop: do you know why I pulled u over? Me: yeah, I was going like 120 back there Cop:.... Me:.. Cop: sir, your tailamp is out Me:..."

"Yo mama is so fat, when the judge said ""order"", she order a milkshake, cheeseburger, and fries."

"How much does a hipster weigh? One instagram!"