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Joke of the Day

"The actor who plays Wolverine once owned a sea cow, but it was murdered... ...it was a crime against Hugh's manatee."

"*takes construction hat to vet* Please help. My turtle hasn't moved in 8 years."

"I hate Ancient Greek History! Fuck the poleis!"

"A Bartender Says, ""We Don't Serve Time Travelers"" A time traveler enters the bar."

"You know, I always really liked Meatloaf I've never had any beef with him"

"""WAIT!"" I screamed at my daughter as she typed Y-O-U on my computer but miraculously the autocomplete added ""TUBE"" so yeah, God exists."

"I think gallows humor is gaining popularity. Then again, I wouldn't know. I'm always out of the loop."

"It's funny to randomly say mid-conversation: Are you implying I'm gay?"

"What is the smartest fruit? It's the orange, BOY CAN IT CONCENTRATE!"

"Be the reason they create new laws."