57623

Joke of the Day

"Justin Bieber, Katy Perry and Adam Levine walk into a bar.. ..and it burns to the ground and it's finally safe to turn the radio back on."

"Grabs intercom: ANYONE WHO WOULD LIKE TO JOIN MY MILITIA, STAY HERE! WE ARE GOING TO OCCUPY THIS OLIVE GARDEN UNTIL I GET MORE BREADSTICKS"

"My life is a constant struggle between wanting people to text me and never wanting to reply to texts."

"Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast."

"*job interview* Boss: Give an example of when you've done something creative Me: When I listed my 'experience' on the application form"

"After i say ""whatever"", all the sh*t you say after that is irrelevant"

"Why does my Pirates of the Caribbean DVD have a piracy warning? I think that pretty much goes without saying."

"""Your resume says you've been to prison?"" Me: Sorry, that's a mistake ""So you haven't?"" Me: I have, I just didn't mean to put it on there"

"Tornado warnings are active for Cleveland, Ohio. Residents are invited to seek shelter in Cleveland Browns Stadium where there is no chance of a touchdown."

"Q: Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman than a regular one? A: You have to hollow out the head."