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Joke of the Day

"Tornado warnings are active for Cleveland, Ohio. Residents are invited to seek shelter in Cleveland Browns Stadium where there is no chance of a touchdown."

"I bet chickens have mixed emotions about Thanksgiving, because they're safe for a day, but why aren't they good enough for a holiday meal?"

"2 fish in a tank, one fish looks at the other and say's ""do you know how to drive this thing?"""

"I haven't slept in days I've been sleeping at night."

"Everyone SAYS they want a fairytale wedding but when I show up and curse their firstborn suddenly I'm the jerk."

"Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic..... ... and so am I."

"Excited for Tuesday. Inception is releasing a DVD, inside of a Bluray, inside of a digital copy, inside of a dream, inside of BestBuy."

"I heard that processed meats are just as bad for you as cigarettes so I'm walking around smoking a hot dog looking cool as hell."

"[Thanksgiving] ME: hey dad will ya pass the peas DAD: say please ME: hey dad will ya pass the please DAD: *tears up so hard*"

"Beethoven must've hated his music... Sure he spent a lifetime composing, but so far he's spent centuries decomposing."