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Joke of the Day
"You don't need to put ""narcissist"" in your bio. This is twitter, that shit goes without saying."
Next Joke
"5yo: OMG I'M STARVING I NEED TO EAT I'M GONNA DIIIIIEE!! *eats 3 fries* 5yo: Can I be done?"
"My girlfriend called me a pedophile. I said, ""Wow, that's a pretty big word for a eight year old."""
"LPT: If you ever find yourself lost in the wild... ...simply misspell the SOS signal and some arsehole will show up within minutes to correct you."
"Why being gay is a serious issue? Because men are fucking asshole"
"I told my friend a joke about last night's Game of Thrones episode.. He agreed it was well done."
"What's the difference between a blowjob and anal sex? One makes your day and the other makes your hole weak."
"I'm not afraid to die, I'm afraid my friends will give me the funeral I told them I wanted when I was drunk."
"Nobody really dates anymore. You just make eye contact, text, hang out, and next thing you know all her clothes are in your closet...."
"Why can't a bicycle stand on it's own? Because it is two tired."