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Joke of the Day

"I'm not afraid to die, I'm afraid my friends will give me the funeral I told them I wanted when I was drunk."

"What do you call it when God masturbates? Jesus fucking Christ"

"Why Did The Boy Drop His Ice Cream? He Got Hit By A Bus."

"When you get pulled over by a cop... A cop pulled me over and said ""Papers..."" So I said ""Scissors!"" and drove off ; )"

"I just smoked so much pot that I tried to order one of the dishes of food off the scrolling instagram menu."

"Robin and Batman Robin: Knock Knock Batman:Who's there? Robin:NOT YOUR PARENTS!"

"Free joke for rats: Pick up a cashew and pretend to use it as a phone."

"TEENS: You might find yourself ""embarrassed"" by certain things your body is doing, when in fact, you should be ashamed."

"""Oh shit I murdered someone"" ""You should turn yourself into the police"" ""Great idea!"" *puts on badge and hat* ""Looks like a suicide to me"""

"Jerry (Man pukes in plastic bag) Man:I made breakfast, let's put it in the fridge (Puts it in toilet tank) Man:Time for bed (Crawls in to tub)"