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Joke of the Day

"SURPRISE! I scream, bursting from the vat of mashed potatoes. The other lunch ladies do not look surprised They do not look surprised at all"

"""Aloha, a bar,"" said a struggling alcoholic ex-Muslim in Hawaii."

"You hear about the guy who bought a teabag? Yeah, the price was pretty steep"

"Why did the kleptomaniac dislike the insultingly boisterous man with a cleft palate? He couldn't take any more lip!"

"Why did Robert Oppenheimer's wife go to the beach naked? There was no bikini atoll"

"[Text convo] Her: Can I come over right now? Me: [Puts entire mess in closet, puts high thread count sheets on bed & sprays Febreeze] Sure."

"Say something soft and sweet to me. Dracula: Marshmallows chocolate fudge cake..."

"An Israeli is going through passport control at JFK... The immigration officer asks: ""Occupation?"" The Israeli says: ""No. I'm just visiting."""

"I just lost my virginity to a retarded girl I wanted my first time to be special."

"Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier."