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Joke of the Day
"I hate when I can't find a decent status update to steal."
Next Joke
"How do you spell Canada? C-Eh?-N-Eh?-D-Eh?"
"My hobbies include humming the Jurassic Park theme song to my chickens, to make them feel more in touch with their ancestors."
"Boss: Why did you call off yesterday? Me: You said I should do what's best for the company. Boss.... Me: I'll take that promotion now."
"What's the difference between an orphanage and a beach ball? You won't go to prison for blowing up a beach ball."
"I make bad jokes This is one of them."
"My brother wanted me to watch his kid So I spent HOURS and HOURS childproofing my house. Wouldn't you know it? That fucker still got in."
"My friend overdosed on chill pills. On the plus side, he was by far the coolest person at the funeral."
"A guy knocked on my door asking for a donation for the Abandoned Children's Home...so I gave him my kids."
"What's the hardest thing in the morning? Getting your mom to leave!!! Ooooo Thought it'd be a penis joke, didn't ya. Those are to easy"