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Joke of the Day

"My friend overdosed on chill pills. On the plus side, he was by far the coolest person at the funeral."

"[throws a dart at map of the world] One day, I'm gonna go over there & pull that dart out. The next time I wanna play darts, probably."

"Ok, I am now following you. Where are we going? I vote for Arby's. I love the horsey sauce. I shall bring my own horse."

"Yoga, a Hindi word meaning I hope I don't fart"

"God, grant me the serenity to yell at immigrant children, the courage to still say I'm a Christian, and the ignorance to not get the irony."

"Why did the tofu cross the road? To prove it wasn't chicken. >:|"

"I would make a joke about your mother But cows are sacred in my country."

"Pluto wasn't even a planet for a full year on Pluto. Do you ever think about that? No. You only think about yourself."

"A girl to her friend... ""isn't that guy hot? I am gonna ask him out"" ""he doesn't look good when he laugh"" - said the other girl ""don't worry, he won't laugh anymore"""

"Freedom of expression is great... I can make a kissy face, smiley face or a frowny face, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it"