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Joke of the Day

"Hi my name is Richard. I'm a husband and it's been 3 months since my last decision."

"Once killed a man with my SuperSoaker. (I'd been pumping it for a REALLY long time.)"

"Please stop looking so hot, I'm trying to stop liking you."

"You know why it's called Black Friday? Because everything is 3/5ths the original price!"

"MAN: [after being mauled by a bear] oh it's just a scratch MAN: [with a cold] omg i can't breathe i think i'm dying"

"ME: ""I don't want sex tonight"" GIRLFRIEND: ""ok"" Reverse phycology doesn't work on women."

"Only one more sleep to go before I lose my job as a night security guard."

"What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros? Elephino"

"""Wanna hear a chemistry joke?"" ""Na, man, I'm good."" ""Wow, you didn't have to get salty over it."" (Chemically inaccurate but who cares, right?)"

"I found the secret to r/Jokes Ctrl + C Ctrl + V"