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Joke of the Day

"Failed my biology test today... ...They asked, ""What is commonly found in cells?"" Apparently ""black people"" wasn't the correct answer."

"We only cook with fresh, local ingredients so tonight we're grilling our neighbor's cat."

"Avril Lavigne: He was a boy. She was a girl. Can I make it any more obvious? Me: Yes you could. That is incredibly vague."

"If Hillary Clinton is elected as our first female President it's really going to redefine a few things for me.... ....Like the words President Bush."

"It's a hard life being a window... Everyone can see right through you"

"I came up with a movie idea. A man's daughter is abducted. This man has has a unique set of skills and goes on a revenge rampage. But the idea was taken."

"Of all the millions and trillions of literary devices, hyperbole is my favorite."

"Some Muslim extremists just rammed a boat into the Thames Barrier. Experts believe it's the start of Ramadam."

"Apologies to my forehead for assuming that automatic doors will just ""open."""

"So a skeleton walks into a bar... and asks for a beer and a mop"