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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear the one about the sprinkler that tried to spray a man in the eye? It completely mist!"

"(confronts Beck in line at Jamba Juice, holds up hurried sketch of Beyonce, aggressively does ""Single Ladies"" dance)"

"I just taught the dance floor a fucking lesson."

"Hair in bun=housework Hair in ponytail=oral sex Body language is important-So he doesn't get excited when I'm about to 2 scrub the toilet"

"*Clark Kent takes his glasses off* Jimmy: ""OMG, it's Superman!"" *Clark puts his glasses back on* ""OMG, Clark! You just missed Superman!"""

"Why do waiters like Gorillas better than flies? Did you ever hear a customer complain 'Waiter there's a Gorilla in my soup!'"

"""Dad, can I go to the renaissance festival?"" ME: No, you're still grounded ""No fair!"" ME: Yes, that's what I said"

"What did the German say when the Spaniard asked him for some cheese? Mi Kase es su Kase."

"I was watching tv with my mom & she was amazed a blind guy didn't care his son was missing & I was like outta sight outta mind am I right"

"Do you smoke... The Lady asked,"" Do you Smoke after Sex?"" I said,"" My gosh I never Looked!!!"""