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Joke of the Day

"Check up time. I've just been for my 6 month check up and everything seem to be going well until he slipped his finger in to check my prostate. I will not be using that dental practise again."

"Q.When do you kick a midget in the balls? A: When he is standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice ."

"Whenever I meet a pretty girl, the first thing I look for is intelligence because if she doesn't have that, then she's mine."

"The pirate mechanic repaired my sex-bot. Thar, she blows."

"What did the Computer Processor say when it was overclocked? It Hertz."

"What is the black stuff between elephants' toes? Slow natives"

"DAD: I invented a diaper that's also a time machine! MOM: Where do the poops go DAD: dunno! [CUT TO: A BUNKER IN GERMANY, 1942] HITLER: omfg"

"How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? 0, they'll just protest and hope someone else changes it to one they like."

"Martial arts movie, starring me Master: You wish to learn to fight? Me: Yes Master: The training is very difficult Me: Oh then no The End"

"I used to think I was into necrophilia, sadism, and bestiality... once I tried it, I realised I was just beating a dead horse."