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Joke of the Day

"Whenever I meet a pretty girl, the first thing I look for is intelligence because if she doesn't have that, then she's mine."

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"2 drunks meet on the street One says ""please allow me to pass between you"" The other replies ""alright, just please do it one at a time"""
"Lost a couple FB friends overnight. Hopefully they just died and it wasn't something I said..."
"I was born disabled I couldn't walk, had no hair, couldn't talk, just laid there and shit myself...."
"""I'd like you to go down to the shop and ask for a matteryogi."" *""But, what's a matteryogi?""* Nothing Boo Boo"
"If the hackers that stole all those Yahoo passwords could tell me what mine is I'd appreciate it. I've been locked out for about 4 years now"
"What's the difference between classical music and Barry white? A lot when you are having a prostate exam."
"SPECIAL COLUMBUS DAY SALE: For $300 you can drive one of our vans into Canada and claim you discovered it."
"My husbands signature move is running to town ""real quick"" and coming home 5 hours later."
"Reports are indicating that Ivanka Trump may take on some roles of the First Lady. Still no word on who will handle the duties of President."