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Joke of the Day

"Whenever I meet a pretty girl, the first thing I look for is intelligence because if she doesn't have that, then she's mine."

"2 drunks meet on the street One says ""please allow me to pass between you"" The other replies ""alright, just please do it one at a time"""

"Lost a couple FB friends overnight. Hopefully they just died and it wasn't something I said..."

"I was born disabled I couldn't walk, had no hair, couldn't talk, just laid there and shit myself...."

"""I'd like you to go down to the shop and ask for a matteryogi."" *""But, what's a matteryogi?""* Nothing Boo Boo"

"If the hackers that stole all those Yahoo passwords could tell me what mine is I'd appreciate it. I've been locked out for about 4 years now"

"What's the difference between classical music and Barry white? A lot when you are having a prostate exam."

"SPECIAL COLUMBUS DAY SALE: For $300 you can drive one of our vans into Canada and claim you discovered it."

"My husbands signature move is running to town ""real quick"" and coming home 5 hours later."

"Reports are indicating that Ivanka Trump may take on some roles of the First Lady. Still no word on who will handle the duties of President."