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Joke of the Day

"Me: ""Bless me father, it's been 13,505 days since my last confession."" Priest: ""You're off to a bad start."""

"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now update your Facebook status."

"I got a job on a farm.... It was circumcising donkeys, it wasn't too bad, 44 skins a day, with a chance to get ahead, and you could always count on big tips...."

"I hate how funerals are always at like 9 or 10am I'm not a mourning person."

"If you held a gun to my head and forced me to choose Tobey Maguire's Spider-Man or Andrew Garfield's, I'd probably shit my pants."

"What do you call a dinosaur that rapes? A sexual predator."

"How much cash could the cash cab cache if the cash cab could cache cab?"

"When dealing with women, you can either be right or get laid. You can't have both."

"How do you get a one armed man out of a tree? Wave to him"

"Why did the Indian not show up for work? He was Sikh."