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Joke of the Day

"What is the best definition of irony? irony irne/ noun a state of affairs or an event that seems deliberately contrary to what one expects and is often amusing as a result."

"When the party host collects everyone's coats and throws them on their bed, I just stay in mine and take a nap among the jackets."

"They say that money can't buy happiness, give me 100 dollars & watch me smile "

"If you only speak one language you have no excuse to suck at it."

"You could make dinner for a toddler, or you could just cut out the middle man & throw away a plate of food and squirt ketchup on the dog."

"Why is the ocean so salty? Because the land never waves back"

"Chemistry, ok. But soulmates? You'd think if our spirits were perfectly matched, they'd be comfortable at the same thermostat setting."

"I'm going for LASIK surgery tomorrow Really looking forward to it."

"How do you tittilate an ocelot? Oscillate its tit a lot."

"A female officer arrests a drunk. She warns him, ""You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be held against you."" The drunk replies, ""Boobs."""