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Joke of the Day

"The English team visited an orphanage in brazil. ""It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope"",said Jose age 6."

"My phone dies quicker than the black guy in a horror movie."

"TIL I'm hung like a baby. 7 lbs. 9 oz."

"Why are rapists terrible at academics? BECAUSE THEY THINK WITH THE WRONG HEAD!"

"Bruce Jenner? More like Bruce Transjenner!"

"Date: Cat-callers disgust me. Me: [hastily returning phone to pocket] Oh haha yeah me too. My cat: *at home by the phone worried sick*"

"Bill O'Reilly, Megyn Kelly, and myself were stranded on a desert island... I then proceeded to bash my own head in with a coconut"

"Relationship between men and women is psychological. She is psycho and he is logical."

"Magician: an ordinary deck of cards right? Guy in front row: that's a ham. Magician: [whispers to assistant] get eagle eyes out of here."

"What's the worst thing to hear after blowing Willie Nelson? ""I'm not Willie Nelson."""