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Joke of the Day
"Why are rapists terrible at academics? BECAUSE THEY THINK WITH THE WRONG HEAD!"
Next Joke
"I hate that random song you hear in the morning and gets stuck in your head all day long."
"[Game&Chill] Replace any word in a movie tittle with ""fap"" (For example "" Fap to the Future"")"
"My roommate broke my favorite Russell Crowe dvd, and she was eaten by a crocodile shortly after. I'm actually kinda Gladiator."
"[at wedding] ""I now pronounce you husband and wife."" Couple kisses *yelling from the back row ""AWKWAAAARD"""
"It's hard to be naked and baked without wondering why the two words don't rhyme."
"got kicked out of the supermarket for eating off of the shelf, but since I was only eating cat food they didnt call the cops like last time."
"I like my Wifi like I like my sex... Unprotected."
"me: an open casket with my vape pen hanging from my mouth wedding DJ: i meant final requests for songs man"
"(i walk up to the counter at subway) hey hows it goin? (i rest my foot on the sneeze guard thing and it slams shut on the guys hands) my bad"