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Joke of the Day

"[signing birth certificate] wife: you put Owen, right? me: yup nurse: Now we'll just need a footprint from little [reading] ""Owned"""

"I accidentally mixed my coffee my redbull.. After 15 minutes of driving I realised I forgot my car."

"If you whisper, ""we're being watched,"" you can hug a stranger for as long as you want. My record is 13 days."

"Yesterday I saw a girl driving next to me while texting on her phone... I was so disgusted by her irresponsible driving that I rolled down my window and threw my beer at her."

"""Stop pestering me. I'm trying to do my job."" -Major Tom to ground control"

"What's the favorite whiskey of Unidan? Jackdaw Niel's"

"Apparently, Indian banks will give you a loan only if you prove that you don't need it."

"Jokes 1. Something said in the pursuit of laughter. 2. A short tale with an end worth laughs after. 3. A noun you expect commands no respect. Root word ""jocus"". This limerick: disaster."

"Jesus drove a Honda, but nobody knew about it. For I did not speak of my own accord. - John 12:49"

"Cigarettes are like hamsters Perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire"